NOBODY TOLD ME THIS.

I hope this meets you well.

Hi, it’s me again. I hope you are having a wonderful week. I wanted to share something this week, so here we go.

When we grow up practically by ourselves, not that we don’t have people around but there are some vital lessons or phases you go through by yourself that nobody ever speaks to you about. When these phases occur you have the privilege of living through it till the end until you are able to discover the reasons why it was occurring in the first place.

Work is interesting. A while back I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Even though I have a Bsc in Political Science. I knew I liked Airbnb bookings but I needed something like a structure to work under or skill I knew would put me under a system. Regardless of how stressful it might be, I enjoy working under systems.

Every Time I get a job, I get excited because of all the new and cool things I get to learn that I didn’t know before. The problem now is that I always get tired in the middle. It would always make me sad and I would wonder why I was starting to dread what I used to enjoy so much.

When I started design classes a few months ago, it felt like I had discovered what I loved, what I would do for the rest of my life and I would be happy doing it. It felt good, the beginning state was a bit challenging for me but when I got the hang of it, it was smooth. I designed for like 3 months straight nonstop with so much excitement and all of a sudden I woke up one day and I just dreaded it.

Thinking about design scared me, I would look at my desktop and just not want to touch it. I was scared of speaking to anyone about it because it felt like I was starting and not finishing and so I was inconsistent and I didn’t know what I was doing. Everytime my friend would ask me about design, I’d tell him “I don’t know, I think I am tired today”. That was my excuse for almost a month of not designing. I blamed all the other things I was doing and so it felt like I didn’t actually have time for design. Within me I was sad, I was sad that I dreaded it and the thought of going to design made me angry.

I woke up one day feeling really pissed with myself because I would always show up for other things but find it difficult to show up for myself. When I discussed this with my friend he made me understand that the reason why it’s easy for me to show up for things other people asked of me is because I knew that if I slacked, there were immediate consequences for my actions. In my own case, the consequences I had to face would come later in the future.

I also sat to think about it for a while. I was willing to show up for myself because I constantly desired change in my life but it felt like I didn’t like what I was doing anymore. After thinking about it for a while I started to laugh at myself in my head. I was laughing at myself because why would I feel like because I loved something it would always just be easy for me? Discovering something I loved didn’t mean I wouldn’t get burnt out or drained. I thought it would feel exciting forever. I realised that this was where the hard work really laid. It’s not really just about loving what you do, It’s about how much you are willing to keep showing up and pushing even when you don’t feel like doing it anymore.

While I was growing up, I heard people talk about how you should always do what you love and that it gets easier. Well, yes it does get easier but it isn’t easier. At the end of the day just loving something isn’t enough for it to blossom. Yes love is deep and beautiful but we still need to push and put in the work.

Nobody told me that regardless of how much I loved something or discovered my dream job, at some point I would dread it and it would feel like I don’t want to do it anymore. It would feel like maybe I have to figure out another skill because this one is stressing me out, it would feel like maybe I made a mistake and I can’t talk to anyone about it because I might be judged. That I would feel like I have to start all over again learning something new which isn’t an option. Nobody told me all of that.

In my finding, I discovered that while my feelings are valid they were not enough to convince me to give up. I had to show up everyday and gently. I had to remind myself that there are some days when I’ll hate my job and that’s ok. I just had to remember the reason why I was doing it in the first place and the benefit of it in the long run. The most important part is, reminding myself that things that shape and better my life aren’t meant to always be interesting and exciting like scrolling through social media while laying in bed.

While a lot of people might have known this, discovering things about different aspects of my life is very important to me and I love sharing. I hope someone relates.

XOXO, from a sister.